Random thoughts

• I don't know why I do half the things I do, yesterday I went to register a subject that I really don't need. I already have enough credits to graduate this September but I still use delaying tactics, am I that scared of growing up and going into the workplace?
• Speaking of things I did yesterday, I met up with people I used to attend lecturers with and most of them are either finishing up their B Tech degrees or planning on starting this semester, this got me thinking about my little failures. Honestly speaking I should be doing my B Tech right now, I should have graduated in April, I still don't know why I'm at the point where I'm at right now. Everybody seems to a clear idea as to what direction they want to take, I don't. 2007 the thought of being involved in hydroelectric power plants/ pump storage scheme was exciting now I couldn't give a fuck about kaplan turbines. 2008 I was all about Steam generation, control and distribution, exactly two months ago I desperately wanted to work for ESKOM and now for some reason I've gotten interested in wind energy, I'm following so called "wind turbine experts" on twitter and have spend most of my time casually reading about wind energy industry in South Africa. I'm pretty certain this is just a phase and in a few months time something else will catch my attention. Bloody gremlins, when will I know what I want to do when I "grow up"?
• Met up with an ex girlfriend this weekend, Made me realize how much our perception of someone gets filtered when we are still infatuated with them. Now that I feel nothing for her, I realize just how bitter she had gotten, I still love her though (in the most innocent kind of way) she'll forever be known as the chick who took me off dating for two and a half years.
• The more I read my archives and things I've written in my journal these past months, the more I realize how ultra-critical I am of my self. I'm not that bad, I have exxagerated all my shortcomings and neglected to congratulate my self on all my achievements. For instance, the report stating the things I've done and learned these past six months at was awarded a distinction by the exam department, this is remarkable considering the fact that I did little to nothing here at the plant(ation) but instead of being happy I felt guilty that I got and undeserved score, WTF is wrong with me. Anyhoo, I'm going to be less critical of myself and my abilities.
• For some odd reason I keep getting e-mail from different right-wing Conservative blogs asking me to become a contributor for their blogs, this perplexes because 1) I'm black 2) I'm not American 3) Did I mention that I'm black.
• I'm very optimistic about the second half of 2009, The first half was shitty, mainly because I allowed it to be. I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure I have kick ass second half of 2009. wishing everyone a great second half of 2009 in spite of the recession.

Twitter is the new crack

?!!!?

This is an attempt to cure my blogger's block by typing anything that comes to my mind. Forgive me if the next few paragraphs seem to be incoherent.

• These past few weeks, I've come to realize just how much people can change in a year. It amazes me that almost everybody I've been close to has changed one way or the other, the glue that held us together has lost it's adhesive properties. We are no longer the same. Maybe this has something to do with growing up, I don't know but I've noticed a change in my own and my close friends' personalities, we seem to be growing apart. Our conversations seem to be forced, gone are the days when we could literally spend the whole night talking about nothing, I've noticed awkward moments of silence when we are together. This happens to everybody close to me; From the person I've been friends with since pre-school to the guy I met two weeks before moving east to Springs, we have all changed. Bloemfontein has changed the guy who I've been friends with since we were seven, Springs has changed me, and ironically enough, Staying in Soweto has changed the people I spend my weekends with. My fear is that we'll keep changing, growing apart until that one moment when you realized that you haven't spoken to someone you were really close with and you can't seem to have an idea how that happened. I really hope that doesn't happen 'cause I value friendship.

• The last four days have seemed pointless to me, I've finished the thing that brought me to the plant(ation) and waking up early in the morning seem pointless. I've already decided that I'm leaving, I don't see why I should wake up and go to work for absolutely no reason. A devious thought has made it's way into my mind, you see, officially, I'm contracted to stay here 'til the 31st and we just so happen to be getting paid on the 25th. I was thinking that my masters wouldn't mind if I didn't pitch up after the 25th, not coming for one last week won't change shit but people keep telling me about having a bad reference and how unprofessional that decision is, the same people who convinced me otherwise early this year when I was ready to pack my bags.

• This is my first winter away from home, I thought I wouldn't cope without mom's winter cuisine but I'm quite content with eating sandwiches every night.

Drama at the plant(ation)

I had one of the best weekends, Saturday I heard great news: My friend is in the process of starting his own construction business and he has befriended big names in the construction industry all from being a teller at a bank. He is in the process of getting a major contract which is very great! On Sunday I gatecrashed a stranger's housewarming party and I had tons of fun even though most of the people at that party were a bit stuck up, I was driven to my place of residence at about 10h30, when I got there I poured myself a glass of klipdrift, sat down and started thinking; why should I go back to the plant(ation)? I mean, my stuff has already been signed off, I've finished what i came there to do plus I'm not planning on staying there any longer, what's the point of waking up at the crack of dawn, dealing with people who still think that black people shouldn't talk back to them etc etc? I had planned on not waking up at 5am and going to work but I forgot to switch off the alarm clock. I ended up going to work and boy oh boy was I glad that I went there.

Apparently on Saturday night a few dumb people decided to break into the admin building at work, I call them dumb people because of the following reasons: 1)The admin is the building with the most security features, there are CCTV cameras at every corner, Confidential information is located there, plus there's a safe there. 2) Nobody thought of wearing balaclavas. Seven people were caught on camera stealing seven computers, all those seven are fellow slaves at the plant(ation)! Yesterday cops came and arrested five and to my surprise on of them was a person I usually talk to, I almost became his housemate! we were all shocked, nobody would've thought he had anything to do with this he was a really nice, decent guy. This morning the cops came by to arrest more suspects everybody is wondering who's going to be next person to be taken in for questioning? Quite sad that people will throw away their future just for a computer. Damn.

And on another note, Just recently found out that the company's IT department has been monitoring my blogs. Ran analytics the other day and to my surprise the network name that they use to investigate Internet abuse appears in the list for network locations that visit my blog. It doesn't matter anyway, what's the worst they can do, fire me? pfft!

Umm............yeah!

I honestly couldn't think of an appropriate title, I'm at campus right now. Just submitted my half-assed report to the exam department, The Work Integrated learning coordinator browsed through it and thought it looked interesting, Not sure what he meant by that. It has been a quiet week for yours truly, besides the meeting I had with my boss where he told me how people would run to him to complain about my work ethic every chance they got and how the impression I give and the report I drafted don't correlate, we spoke for an hour and I left his office understanding a little better why he was acting the way he did towards me, it was enlightening.

I'm currently in the process of writing a loooooong goodbye e-mail to all of the people I've grown fond of, I'm really going to miss them. I didn't expect to get attached to so many people, I thought my heart had turned to stone but I was mistaken. I'm really going to miss these following people, I'm not going to publish their names for obvious reasons but here they are:

• The lubricator: Thanks for looking out for me and taking care of me, letting me know about the situation so that I was well equipped to deal with it. I have never in my life met anybody like you, you are one of a kind. Even though you are 26 years older than me, I consider you my friend.
• The phoenix: You are crazier than I am, which I thought was impossible, I always enjoyed our out of sorts conversation. What ever happened to you being a regular contributor to my other blog? Anyhoo, I'm not good with soppy stuff so I'll just say one thing. Hope we keep in contact after I finally leave the plant(ation)
• The Toyota Yaris lover: Your are very idealistic when it comes to love and relationships,which was very sweet when I think about it. I always enjoyed the little chitty chats we had when i had the chance to come by the QC office, we both come from the same neighbourhood so chances are we'll meet again. Keep smiling, your smile has the inexplicable ability to light up any room. Good luck on your future endeavours, hope your dream of leaving the plant(ation) comes true.
• The teetotaller: Even though you don't drink you're still cool bro.lol. I'll forever be thankful to your for all the assistance you gave me. You and your boss seem to get along well, you'll soon get the fat payed what you're worth. The global CEO of the company already knows who you are bosssss! Wish you all the success you can get.
• The RMI coordinator: One of the craziest chick I've ever met! I'll never forget you, thanks for coming to the rescue when my phone died. Whenever I look at a Nokia Battery Charger, I'll think of you.lol!

I apologize for forgeting to shout anyone out, I get forgetful these days. Hope you forgive me. Enough with the soppy stuff, back to our regular programming.

Random stuff on my mind

• I'm leaving the plant(ation) soon, I know I've stated that over and over but saying it just brings so many positive emotions. One tiny tear of joy drops across my cheeks and falls on the old ass keyboard as I am typing this sentence. It's been an interesting stay here at the plant(ation), I'm going to miss the people I've grown close to, I've made friends here, got to meet so many wonderful characters. I'm going to miss those d'bags, and the rumours about illicit sexual activity during night shift on weekends used to fill my blue Mondays with tinges of yellow and orange, I'm going to miss that too but I gotta move start a new chapter. The thought of starting over just electrifies my cerebrum, I can't wait 'til the 31st July 2009!
• Somebody close to me is deep in debt and I always seem to be the one bailing them out, I really don't mind borrowing her money 'cause they she used to borrow me money all the time when I was dead broke but I'm now reluctant to do so, I'll be jobless next month and I have to save money for textbooks, tuition and transport costs seeing that I'm going back to do Design 3 and all. The problem is if I don't borrow her the money she might find herself in court. This is one of the things that makes me be scared of taking things on credit, Everybody looks at me funny when I tell them that I've bought everything I own cash. I only have my student loan to worry about for now. I wanted a laptop last year but I couldn't afford to buy it cash and I ended up not buying it, everybody was urging me to take it on credit and I was scared to, it was probably for the better.
• Most of the blogs that I used to read on the regular seemed to be on a go-slow. What's more interesting is that they all stopped blogging regularly at around the same time. No announcement stating why they have been on a go-slow, nothing! I know that not everybody has the luxury of getting paid to sit on their asses the whole day like I do but still a post a week is not a hard thing to ask.lol.
• I recently grew tired of my PC crashing every month so I ordered a free Linux ubuntu live CD 'cause clearly XP has a grudge against me. The CD will be delivered in two weeks or so but I'm afraid to switch sides so to speak, from what I have gathered by reading stuff of the Internet is that to do most things on Linux you need Internet connection to download codecs etc. I don't have home Internet connection plus all my engineering software including the best design engineering software to ever be created, Autodesk inventor (no, really, this software is the shits) all run on Windows and so far I haven't found an open source alternative to any of them. How will I be able to enjoy Linux without Internet, geeks, help me out on this one!
• Doing final touch ups to the report I'm supposed to send to the exam department next week Monday. It is the most half-arsed, useless report I've ever written. It's weak, I wouldn't be surprised if I'm politely asked to do another six months stint at another plant(ation) and re-submit a more solid report. I just hope, their lenient (As if.pfft.)

Looking back, thinking forward (2009.5 in review)

Yesterday I felt the lowest I had ever felt this year, I had a strong urge to do some release therapy here but fortunately my workstation is located at conference room/reception area and they had a meeting. So everybody was saved from my typical emo rants. Half the year is almost gone. 2009 hasn't been good to me, you probably have figured that out by now from my over the top emo blog post, emo tweets and my Facebook status messages. Every thing that could have gone wrong went wrong this year so much so that my boss' rant yesterday about how my attitude stinks, if I wasn't a trainee he would have fired me by now, about how he spoke to the HR manager about how "I don't seem to care about the impression I make", how he'll put some unsavoury comments on my final report etc. etc. Didn't affect me as much as it would have had 2009 been less shittier (I hope that makes sense)

2009 has been testing, my already unstable emotions were even more distabilized. A typical day went something like this:

4h30: I can't believe I'm waking up this early for bullshit

5h30 Maybe today won't be as bad as yesterday

6h30 So far so good

7h30 life is so wonderful

8h30 This is the best coffee I ever had

11h30 fuck it! this place sucks

12h30 Maybe this place doesn't suck that much, maybe its me, maybe all this thing is all my fault. I can't go on.

13h30 Why does it seem like everything bad only happens to me

14h30 I cannot believe how ungrateful I am; with so many people unemployed why am I complaining so much about this place? there are people hungry out there, I should be thankful that I have a roof over my head and food to eat. I'm such a terrible person.

15h30 Wow! what that all about? life is sooooo wonderful

16h30 finally knock of time.

17h30 I'm so alone in this cold room. whatever happened to the life I used to have? all I do now is sit alone and watch TV

18h30 Sandwiches for dinner again *sigh* its better than nothing!

19h30 I haven't had alcohol in X-amount of weeks maybe that's why things have been so shitty. Damn the bottle of brandy I'm staring at looks so tempting.

20h30 aaargh whatever! let me go to bed, maybe tomorrow thing will be better.

That was basically how life has been since February and when I look back, I realize that regardless of what everybody says, the only three things I did wrong this year was 1) not leaving the plant(ation) when I had the chance. 2) Giving up fighting when it looked like all hope is gone 3) Allowing all this things to happen. I admit it, had I fought for what was rightfully mine, I would either been fired, which would have saved me from mind torturing my soul or I would have gotten what I wanted. Leaving things as they were was a big mistake but whats done is done, time to leave all the baggage behind and look ahead.

From the looks of things, I would be unemployed when my contract expires. I've been toying with the idea of going back to the UJ and doing one module I've scared of doing: Mech Eng Design III, It is quite a demanding subject. The design project that is given usually consumes all the time a student has and people end up failing other modules 'cause they were busy with their design project but luckily that doesn't apply to me. When I told my colleague at the plant(ation) this they said I'm just scared of the working world that is why I'm running back to my safe haven: campus. They said it jokingly but they were right. I am somewhat scared of the real world.

Yeah that is what I felt like saying, half of it doesn't make a sense and I know the post might lack structure but it doesn't matter anyhow. 2009.5 has been a mess and I hope that the other half of 2009 is bit better even though I'll be broke.lol. I'm thinking of finding a part-time job as well, to support all my expensive habits and to continue paying off my study loan but well see.

Guess who's back

Maxwell's "pretty wings"

I'm done with converse All Star

I love Converse All Stars AKA Chuck Taylors. Ever since I could afford to, I've been buying All Star Hi's every year but I'm done with them, I won't buy another All Star until its price drops. I bought my very first all star in 2004, I bought them for R240. It has been a ritual of mine to buy them at about the same time every year. I usually buy the Black coloured one but sometimes when I'm feeling a little adventurous I can buy a totally whack colour like those sesame ones I bought in 2007. I love the simplicity of the design, I love the versatility of the shoes, you can wear an all star with virtually anything. I love them, I'll always love them but I won't buy another All Star!

The main reason I won't buy another all star is because of the recent price jump, it's ridiculous. 2004 I bought and all star for R240; 2005 for R260; 2007 for R270 and last year I bought one for R300. I wanted to buy one last weekend but I was shocked to discover that they have increased to R450. That's a 33.3% 50% increase, WTF! I just don't understand how a sneaker that has looked the same since the 1930's can increase that much. The only reason many South Africans love All Star was that they were the cheapest "fashionable" sneaker but now that they are only R50 cheaper than the ADIDAS white tennis sneaker I don't see why anybody will buy them anymore. Maybe they do have valid reasons as to why the price increased so sharply, I sent an e-mail asking them about the price increase but they have still to give me a reply. Eff All Stars. I love them but I'm done with 'em.

Women empowerment?

This e-mail is doing the rounds, I know I shouldn't be laughing at this tragic case But I just couldn't help myself

Because I can

I know I should be finishing up my report but I thought I'd take this opportunity to let you guys know what been going on in AQUILOGYland, My conspirators have all taken leave so I have no one to look over my computer screen to see what I'm doing. Things have been interesting and this is why:

• Yesterday someone I'm not that close to decided to corner me into spending half my day talking about my feelings, he has noticed a change in my behaviour and was worried about me. We talked about a lot of things and I honestly felt better about lots of things happening in my life. I still don't understand why he felt the need to hold an "intervention", I don't know him that way.
• Recently found out that a close friend of mine is going through the same bad patch as I am, we talked for about half an hour on the phone, she started crying, and I didn't know how to handle the situation. I thought because I understood what it feels like when everything goes wrong I would be able to handle the situation better but I didn't offer any words of encougement, I choked, I just stood there and listened to her crying over the phone.
• I love Winter, I think it's the most underrated season of the year. I love the food, the runny noses, the cold weather, I love everything about winter and I'm very excited that it's finally here.
• The Confederation cup is a week away and I can't afford to buy a ticket, I had planned to go watch a game live at the stadium for the first time in my life but my economical situation won't allow me to.
• Six weeks is all I have to endure until I finally pack my bags and leave the plant(ation). Yippeeeee*pops cheap champagne 'cause we're in a recession*