So here's the thing, I've been willingly single (sic?) since Dec '06 (although I fell of the proverbial wagon once or twice these past six months) for the sake of humanity, you see I have quite an effect on women. I drive them crazy, literally, like "countless voice messages threatening to make your life hell" crazy. But you know how society likes to treat single people, everybody things that the only way to validate your existence is by being hooked up with someone. My mom keeps asking me when I'll be introducing her to my girlfriend, former colleagues are giving my numbers to random chicken heads hoping to cure my "ailment" and my close friends have been relentlessly trying to fix me up with their sister or cousins forever now. There's nothing more annoying than trying to get your drink on at a party and people on a mission to fix you up introduce you to someone and one by one they disappear, leaving you with the said girl, hoping for some sparks. *smh*Since most of the people trying to fix me up religiously monitor my relationship status on facebook, I usually mess with their heads by changing it as often as I can from "single" to "in a relationship" to "it's complicated" in one week. Anyhoo, I've noticed that when my relationship status is set to "single" facebook floods it's side wall with all these shitty ads from shitty online dating services and that annoys the crap out of me. If that isn't bad there's all valentine's day ads all over the place even though the only people who are into valentine's day are pre-pubescent girls and speaking of Valentine's Day, everyone who will be going to watch the movie "Valentine's Day" must jump off a bridge for being stupid. Nothing says rip off like making an American version of a movie that was made five or six years ago (Valentine's day= dumbed down version of "Love, actually") but at least Valentine's day brings with it some needed comic relief, like the look on old people's faces when they see the Valentine's special on the next issue of Clicks pharmacy's catalogue.

Pardon my rant, I just had to get that shit of my chest like breast reduction.

Warning: Emo (ish) alert!!

Earlier this year I made the mistake of staying up late surfing the interwebs, I slept at about two in the morning for three consecutive days. I assume that was the moment I messed up my circadian rhythms 'cause ever since then, I have seldomly been able to sleep before 3 am or wake up before 9 am. This isn't really bad 'cause I'm currently fortunate enough to not have to wake up early for anything, plus I managed to stay up to watch my first Superbowl from 1 am 'til 4h30am (The match was boring, even for a fella who only got into American football two months ago).

Lately I have been trying to reprogramme my body to sleep normal hours like everybody else. I've been going to bed at ten for a week now hoping my body body gets used to it but alas, I'm still sleeping three hours before "normal" people wake up. I find myself lying in bed for hours having thoughts that I have been able to avoid indulging in during the day. The one train of thought that comes up the most is the fact that I've been reduced to spending most of my days on the couch watching TV, even though I said I'm going to cut down on my couchpotatoism. It's not on some "woe is me" tip, no, it's more on a how the fudge did I end up here? tip. Everybody else has figured out what they want to do with their lives and they're starting to enjoy the fruits of their labour and I'm still sitting on my ass, literally. but there's no use complaining when you can let off steam by throwing rocks at rowdy high school kids do something about it, so I'm giving myself three months to get my shit together. I'm going to do my best to fix any flaws I've been too lazy to fix and letting go of old nasty habits like forgetting to cut my toenails for months on end until someone looks at me funny when I'm wearing sandals at the supermarket. I know three months is a short time to be trying to reprogramme thought processes and letting go of bad habits but there's only four months left 'til the Fifa World Cup (yikes!) and I don't wanna be doing any hard working during that time plus if I haven't managed to sort myself out then atleast I'll be able to let off steam by throwing rocks at rowdy tourists instead enjoy great soccer.

Me, a year ago

A year or so ago I was a wreck, spending precious time beating myself over for having the weakness of readily trusting people. I was angry that I didn't trust that little voice inside my head telling me that "Don't believe him, your boss is lying just to keep you from leaving", as usual I didn't listen to the little voice telling me what I already knew, January came and all the promises made to me in terms of my training ended up being big fucking nothings. January 2009 wasn't pleasant and a year ago, I made a resolve to pick myself up and regain my equilibrium. If you've been reading this blog for a while, you already know that I didn't quite regain my equilibrium. In fact, it's been downhill since then. lol.

Me, a year and 500+ Peri-Peri chickens later

A year later, have I learned anything? Doesn't seem like it. If I did, I would've listened to the little voice in my head telling me: "Don't go there, leave her alone, she's crazy. Avoid her at all cost", Now I find myself having to switch my phone half the time and avoiding all calls with a hidden caller ID. but at least instead of beating myself over it I can about it, which is an improvement....right? *Crickets*

I have been quite a bad boy lately, I forgot that I had a blog. No really, "I literally went, Oh shit! I've only updated my blog twice this month" this morning. But can anyone blame me though? I mean, this blog is supposed to be about me and my ordinary life right? and when nothing really happens how am I supposed to update it? at any rate, life has been quite chilled, that's a nicer way of saying monotonous if you haven't caught on. It's so bad that I spend most of my days in my boxers, eating milk and cookies, watching Al Jazeera and getting depressed at the shit that's going on in Haiti. None of the companies I applied for bothered to call me, the two that I had interviews with also didn't see the need to call and say hi AQUILOGY, we regret to tell you that you didn't get the job or some such pretense, it would have been better than sitting and waiting for their calls for two effin' weeks one minute you accept that you didn't get it and the next you are on some wishful thinking tip trying to convince yourself that maybe something happened and they'll call once they sort that out. pfft. but I'm not mad though, you really can't expect much from corporation.

The people I'm really mad at are the people I hold dear to my heart, I was a weird kid who learned very early not to give a standing, walking or flying fuck what people think about him. I could give a rat's ass what some bum thinks about me, If I don't care about them, I don't care what they say or think about me but, surprisingly, I do care what you guys think and say about me and if what I've been hearing and picking up upon is true then I'm really disappointed and hurt. It's a pity I have a tendency to avoid confrontation, I would have torn you guys a new one.

• If you're smart enough then you would have probably figured this out by now: I can't afford regularly talking shit on three different blogs, so this little space I have here will be the outlet creative outlet I have. That means no more pissing people off over at PoliTrick or Treat which in turn means I'll no longer have copy and paste stuff to post over at Umshini wam'. Unlike my previous blogs, I won't delete any of 'em, I'll keep them up for posterity And I'll probably resurrect them when I can afford to get a more decent Internet connection that the shit I'm currently using or when someone says something ostensibly racist.
• Not having much to do, I've been reading a lot of people's blog post and being January and all, most of them were about resolutions/ ways to do things differently this year etc. And I've noticed that most of them keep talking about getting rid of toxic people, evaluating circles etc. The whole thing doesn't really sit well with me, maybe I'm just naive but I don't base my friendships on personal benefits, what's in it for me or something similar to that line. Granted, I only have have about six people I can honestly friends and a million acquaintances but still, I will never shun someone 'cause their are going through dark days and hanging out with them is taxing. I have a friend who's been unemployed for close to two years now and is wondering whether he'll ever get a job anytime soon, every time I speak to him he keeps going on about how life is unfair and how he can't catch a break, he used to be the most motivated person I know but he's going through some stuff at the moment, am I supposed to shun him 'cause he's now a very "negative person"? Cutting people off because they don't "add value on your life" just sounds a little cold.
• Every guy knows about the unpleasant things about women guys talk about when they are by themselves, you know, the usual, how they can't trust women, how women are materialistic snakes etc. I'm usually one of the few who calls the bullshit on such talk, you don't have to be a feminist to know how wrong it is to generalize on women like that. A friend was telling me about this girl who had a job in Cape Town, she had a relationship with a colleague and when the colleague moved to Jo'burg he asked her to move there with him, that he has already found her a job etc. She believed him, left her job and moved to Jo'burg but when she moved here, she found out that the guy was lying about everything: there was no job for here plus the guy was married. Now the girl is struggling to make ends meet 'cause the only employment she can get are casual employment at retail stores. First thoughts that ran through my head when I said this was "What a dumb and naive girl" and not "What an evil bastard that guy is". Hmm.. Seems I'm not that much different from my chauvinist friends.

I could've written this post way earlier but summer has been treating me well and I didn't have the patience to blog on a slow GSM network. Like I said, I had an amazing summer, last time I enjoyed my summer so much was way back in 2003. I visited my friend in Bloemfontein and all I have to say is the people in Bloem are crazy, life is one long weekend over there, party all the damn time is their motto. Had a fab time, I manage to do the impossible this past December, travel and enjoy myself with people I love dearly on a non-existant bank balance, goes to show how overrated money is (or at least that what I'd like to think). Granted, summer isn't quite over yet, there's still like what, a month and a half and anything can happen but still, made so many good memories and I'm quite thankful that at least I got to spend the last month of an ultra shitty year on a high note.

It's the first week of a totally new year, I'm not a big fan of new year's resolutions, didn't even bother coming up with them. The only thing I decided on doing was to take a break from alcohol consumption for at least three months and so far it's proving to be a mammoth task. I don't know what surprises have in store for but I know for fact that this year is going to be different, for starters, I won't be going back to campus, don't have enough funds to finally finish the B tech degree that I was supposed to finish last year. Which in turn means I'll be blogging less this year, I no longer have the luxury of abusing the UJ network as payback for all the times they fucked with my and my friends' future lol. Hopefully, I'll have better luck with my job search 'cause all niggardly shit is starting to get tiring, I almost forgot how shitty it is to borrow money from someone, two years ago I had absolutely no problem with it, I guess the older you get the more humiliating brokeness feels.

Anyhoo, there are a few people that I would love to change about myself, two actually. The first being my laziness, I have become one lazy ass bastard. For some odd I have developed quite a disgusting arvesion to work, it is very bad. I have become so used to spending time doing nothing when I have shit to do, It's gotten so bad that I would wake up, leave my bed undone make breakfast and spend the day watching shitty television programmes the whole day, only getting up from the couch to go to the toilet or make something to eat (The mystery of the ever expanding beer belly is finally solved). I will be cutting back on the time I spend on the internets, on the couch watching Television or just lying around listening to music, I'll spend most of my time doing things that need to be done, like improving my job hunting skills and making sure past flames don't get hold of my phone numbers (Don't ask). The second thing I would like to change is my selfishness. If they are nice people reading this, y'all already know how people can't help but take advantage of nice people. I was tired of being taken advantage of and I decided to start being very selfish, to think only of myself. I realize now how wrong I was at handling the situation the way I did. It's best to grow a spine and continue being nice than to allow other people to turn you into an inconsiderate ass, It's best to treat people the way I want them to treat me. If everybody went about things this way, the world would be a much better place.

I will stop writing any further. I've already said a mouthful. I wish everybody reading this a great and blessing filled 2010. Go out there and kick ass.

-Peace

What more can I say?!? 2009 will finally be over, what a shitty interesting year. For all those who had a good year this year, I'm happy for you may your good fortunes continue with you in 2010. For all those who wished this year didn't happen, I totally understand, I wish things get better for you in 2010. This is my final post for '09, I'm going to enjoy whatever's left of the year on a non-existent budget. See y'all d'bags in next year, where things will definitely get real fake, fake smiles, fake visible policing, homeless people being kicked off the street....It's about to get fake lol. I Kid, here are some videos for you guys to enjoy in my absense.

Campus square is probably one of my least favourite places in Johannesburg, I'd rather withstand a torturous walk in crowded Smal street during the festive season or risk having a fridge fall on me in Hillbrow on new year's eve than spend a day at Campus square.

This Monday I went to the main campus, I was supposed to meet someone from High School, he wants us to plan a Thomas Mofolo high class of '04 reunion, apparently I'm the only person who has managed to stay in touch with most of my high school class mate *kanye shrugs*. Anyhoo, we didn't get a chance to meet and since I've wanting to switch networks for a while now, I decided to go to the vodashop at Campus for assistance (which turned out to be an epic fail but more on that later). I noticed that there was something missing there, a constant feature that was somehow absent, I couldn't quite put my finger on it and then it hit me! Exams were over and almost everyone had left campus and as a results, campus square wasn't infested with those rich old married men on the look out for some young and naive first years to sleep with. I realized what it was about campus square that didn't sit well with me, it's the predator-prey dynamics that go on there for most of the year. Girls fresh outta High school adorn themselves with provocative clothing, hoping to bag themselves a rich 40 something that might give them AIDS, Old Men sitting in the smoking section of News cafe drinking, always on the look out for their next victim. It's sickening.

I often wonder why these girls sell themselves so cheaply, they risk getting all types of diseases from these men who are, if that Special Assignment episode is to be believed, probably preying from other campuses and Universities. They risk it all in exchange for what? money to maintain those ridiculous looking synthetic weaves? pfft. I guess I'll never understand these young girls and sugar daddies relationship but I can't help but feel that there's something wrong with a society where this sort of shit is common.

This is an '09 version of the post I made last year, minus the emo bullshit. It's kinda hard listing the things you've learned in the shittiest year of your life without going emo, but I'll try.

So, without wasting anymore of your time, here are the things I've learned this year:

1. Perception>reality

At the risk of sounding like those ever positive douche nozzles, one's outlook on life determines one's enjoyment of life. It's a very old and simple concept. If you view the world through shit stained glasses (like yours truly) then life will probably one shit stained box of shit stained chocolates. I'm trying (and often failing.lol.) to stop being so darn negative all the time, I realized how short life is after my granpops and a friend of mine who passed away this Saturday, Life is God's gift to us and wasting it feeling like we've been dealt a short hand, how life is unfair etc is bitch made.

2. If these walls could talk, they'll probably still ignore me

Being unable to withstand spending prolonged time by my lonesome is a testament to how I'm slowly becoming an old heard. When I was younger, being alone didn't bother me that much but nowadays it's a totally different story. Spending time alone or as ladies like to put it, spending some "me time" is torturous. I remember being a youngin, I would waste time concentrating on a dust particle, intensely staring at it, watching it float through the air etc. I still do that sometimes but not as much as before, people might think I'm crazy, although most of them already think I am. I don't like spending too much time alone, It's one of the things I'll be avoiding in 2010

3. Getting screwed over isn't as bad as it seems

Either that or I've been screwed over so much that I've gotten used to it. Whenever someone else's fuck up end up affecting you badly, most people would want to go apeshit on the perpetrator. I'm different, I usually let it slide. It seems, letting shit slide has been my forte as of late and I'm not sure if that's a good thing. This has been a year of the fuck ups, and I've been fucked over so many times, I stopped counting in March. Each time I got screwed over, I didn't do anything about it, I let shit slide. This is not good, I'm gonna have to learn to "Stand up" for myself or learn to use my weight to my advantage and start throwing people down and sitting on their chest. That'll teach them.

4. Jogging is overrated

That's my number one excuse for not doing it. I don't like Jogging as much as I did when I was in High school, I should try something else to keep fit, if melanin and water wasn't such a dangerous combination I would try swimming, I kid, I kid. I really want to get fit again but jogging doesn't seem to be the right way for me to do so.

5. I'm the undisputed king.... of pulling shit out of my ass

How else would you explain this post and half the shit I wrote this year lol.

[Aside: I curse way too much, I need to cut that shit down]

Went to the ATM this Saturday and withdrew the last amount of ca$h I had. I always knew the day would come, the little cash that I had saved when I decided to leave the plant(ation) with my sanity still intact. Realizing that you're dead ass broker than a broke dick dog kinda sucks donkey balls, it sucks even more when the moment you use your last penny coincides with the international month of debauchery.

This is gonna be one interesting December, I'm gonna have to rely on other people for money to feed my ethanol habit. I haven't done that in a while, I think the last time I sat in a drinking session that I didn't contribute money to was over three years ago. I even forgot about that mild feeling of guilt that one has at the start of the session but fades away with every sip of that ice cold mixture of water, barley and hops until it finally disappears. I kinda missed that feeling.

I had planned to refresh my life this December, it's the last month of what proved to be a shitty year, I'll be damned if I let my lack of money spoil it for me. Being Broke doesn't mean a thing when you get a chance to spend the last few weeks of the year with the people you love and that's exactly what I'm gonna do.